“When A Door Closes, Another Door Opens” - What It Really Means...
A realistic and honest breakdown of this saying/concept, and what it means for your life journey.
I am as they call it, “Type A personality”. I’ve been this way since day 1. It starts with my dreamer character (don’t judge me, I’m a Pisces). Needless to say, I’m always dreaming, and not just any dreaming. I dream BIG. This led me to my type A personality. Since I was a little girl I felt the answer to achieving all those BIG dreams was by me controlling every move in life strategically. I studied, researched, planned my ways towards every accomplishment I wanted to have. I had it down to a science. “Do this, this, that, and that will make xyz happen, boom! dream come true”.
The Problem With Dream Navigation
Here’s the problem, this dream navigation system I had developed over the years did not allow me to flow with life. At this point in my life, I have gone on some very wild rides, enough to have learned to my core that controlling or forcing things to happen in your life hits a hard stop eventually. And when you hit that STOP, it’s the universe’s, God’s, Source’s (whatever you’d like to call it) way to force you to FLOW with the river of life. Controlling, overthinking, over-planning, playing life as a game of chess is equivalent to swimming against the current of a river. It gets you no where substantial.
I say all of this because as humans we obviously make plans for our lives, based on visions and goals we’d like to achieve. But sometimes we get too attached to our set visions and plans - to the point where it becomes an obsession that depletes our energy, growth, and mindset, versus expanding it.
When things don’t work out as you planned them, no matter how many times you tried, no matter how well calculated you planned every move, it’s a door closed. Accepting that closed door…well, that’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through. You became so enamored with the idea of something that never became a reality. Your mind and body can’t even comprehend that the door is truly closed, and no level of planning or recalculating can open it.
Stand Out, Look In
You have to look at the WHOLE journey as an outsider looking in. Step away from your ego, and connect with all that you are. What did you learn from this entire journey? How are you different now? What different paths has this shut door led you to? What new discoveries did you make about yourself during the journey? All these things will lead you to a new door, but don’t expect it to open immediately.
All beautiful, unbelievable, breathtaking things in life come with patience and tough lessons learned. Why? Because they are so grand, so special, so life-changing, and things at that level coincide with a new level of YOU - a better, stronger, resilient YOU. This new version of YOU is the one that was needed to successfully handle what was aligned with your true purpose.
New doors will always open after others close on you. You’ll eventually realize this as you accept the old door’s closure. Arriving at the new door will be so exciting and uplifting, but not always will they open immediately or all the way. The key to fully open it will be handed to you sometimes after more work, more fine tuning of your mind and spirit. You’re a masterpiece in the making - that’s the meaning of life. But, my friend, it takes every bit of intentional work to be polished enough mentally and spiritually to gain full access to your purpose. Choose to flow with life rather than swim against it, to arrive faster. Life was never about your design plans for it, it’s about its design FOR YOU. Embrace that.
Here are my top book recommendations to help you navigate a closed door, a broken dream…
The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer
This is the book for every Type A dreamer who has tried to strategize their way to a dream. Singer decided to stop steering and let life's current carry him, and it led him somewhere far bigger than anything he could have planned. It's a real-life case study in flowing with the river instead of fighting it.
Let Your Life Speak by Parker J. Palmer
Palmer borrows the Quaker idea of "way closing" and "way opening": the doors that shut on us are guidance too, not only failures. It's a short, tender read about letting your true purpose find you rather than forcing a vision onto your life.
Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges
Bridges names what happens between the closed door and the new one: an ending, then a confusing "neutral zone," then a new beginning. If you feel stuck at a door that hasn't opened yet, this book explains why that in-between season matters and how to move through it.
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
This is for the moment your mind and body can't accept that the door is truly closed. Chödrön teaches how to stay present with groundlessness and disappointment instead of scrambling to recalculate, and how that discomfort becomes the ground you grow from.
Wintering by Katherine May
May writes about the fallow seasons of life, the times when everything feels paused or lost, as necessary periods of rest and quiet transformation. It's a gentle companion for the patience part of the journey, when the new door is there but the key hasn't been handed to you yet.
